Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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