I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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