Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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