I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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