So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My breasts were aching with rage.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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