When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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