I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's never too late to be topless.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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