im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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