You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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