A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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