just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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