You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
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I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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