i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize