i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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