I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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