im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize