you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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