Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize