he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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