We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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