I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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