Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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