I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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