Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
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You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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