His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sex in the backyard? Check.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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