i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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