And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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