i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
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she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my poor anus
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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