my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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