Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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