Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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