My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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