Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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