The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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