I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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