nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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