Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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