i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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