I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
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So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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