how hairy? two words: wookie tits
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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