through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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