just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
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Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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