I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize