when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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