8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need to wash the frat house off of me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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