I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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