I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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