I wish I could teleport
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize