You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This house was built for laser tag.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
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Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize