you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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